My husband

I got married on the 20 September 2015. I am a married woman now. I just acquire another title - wife.

I am no longer my own anymore. Once you are married, it's a shared life, isn't it? You belong to your other half, your partner, your husband. We spend so much time with each other, we know what makes each of us happy, laugh, insecure, upset etc. Fortunately, at this point, I have only felt the happiness in my life with him...add a little frustration, maybe. Nothing that I can't handle.

My husband, dear husband...

OK, you do have a very pleasant looking face. =D

You are not a handsome man. You're not tall with a lean and toned body. You are average in your physic. You have a rather flat nose bridge, jutting jaw and a pair of really small eyes. Am I complaining? I have to remember, I can't. I am average too.

So what makes me stick to you then? What makes me enjoy you and being with you? 

1) Your eyes - They are simple, without any agenda. Quite innocent. You say what you think, your eyes shows it too.

2) Your smile - Best one from you is often when you have said something that outwits me, left me speechless and you know it too. Yet you give that humble smile that says "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to outwit you". The combination of your smile and your eyes melts my heart. 

3) Your mind - This is the powerful one. You analyse, your thoughts are reasonable, they come fast enough and you can put them in speech that everyone can understand you. That's wonderful!

It's just you. Your kind heart, your fair mind and you are always reading! You are way advanced than your age. You can be serious and childish at the same time. You are also sensitive to my needs. Though your uncertainty of my mind sometimes shows, yet you are able to figure it out and make a decision that anchors me. You are so reasonable and so fair that there's no room to doubt you or argue with you. Your occasional quirkiness often starts a smile on my face, then ends with laughter!

My husband, dear husband...Kok Hsien love...

We have so much in common. We fit like a pair of gloves for each other. We are so flexible and adaptable that there's almost nothing about each other that we can't handle. Yet, we are two quite different individuals, opposites. You are organised, I am chaotic. You are comfortable with awkward silence, I must fill it. You say things politically correct, I speak my mind, too bluntly sometimes. You keep to yourself among strangers, I talk to random strangers. 

What do you think makes us so compatible? I never have to remind myself to be patient with you. Do you? Maybe because we are the strength of each others' weaknesses? 

Thank you for coming into my life. Thank God for sending you. I admire your tenacity and persistence in the face of challenge. I admire your firm footing, optimism and forward thinking during uncertainties. I admire your ability to focus.  

I love you. Though I really do not say it enough, I hope you know or feel it. I hope I can be your anchor just like you are mine. I hope I am also your strength, just like you are mine. I hope I can give you everything to achieve your dreams, to make you the happiest man alive. I pray you always have the best. Even if you don't, I hope I can make you feel like you do. 

I'm writing this today because you have gone home for the weekend and I miss you. Not complaining. I still need the solitude. =)

The Virgo feels like you are the most loved person ever

This month marks the end of our 3rd year together. 3 years ago I have never thought that i would have a love that feels so wonderful. We are 2 adults in love and childish still. That's the wonder of our relationship.

I moved to the master bedroom in September 2015. We took a step forward where he would start spending more time here, living together with each other. We spend our first weekend getting him a new desk, moving and rearranging the furniture. It is working together like this that we have the most fun. Sure we have our own ideas on how we want things to be. At this stage, we are still able to make a joke out of it and compromise on what we want. I have to thank him for being patient with him all too often unreasonable demand, particularly when I am on my full on I-don't-believe-you-until-I-give-it-a-try mode.

I love him. I don't think I love him as much as he loves me. I am much thankful that he chose me over everyone else, put up with me and will be here to stay for the long haul. Yes, I can depend on a virgo ox to do that.

12 months of love

January

If you express love in a way your partner does not understand, he will not realise that you have expressed your love at all. ~ Author Unknown

February

To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten. ~ Author Unknown

March

Love recognises no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope. ~ Maya Angelou

April

Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart. ~ Author Unknown

May

Love does not begin the way we seems to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is growing up. ~ James Baldwin

June

To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others. ~ Francois Mauriac

July

Love is not blind - it sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less. ~ Will Moss

August

To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it will. ~ Mark Twain

September

Love is like a garden, though beautiful, you still have to weed it to make it lovable. ~ Melie M

October

We came to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. ~ Sam Keen

November

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood. ~ Karen Casey

December

If opportunity doesn't know, build a door. ~ Milton Berie

Hello GORGEOUS!!!!

Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1

Newest addition to my gadget family. Long live SAMSUNG!! Merry Christmas Janet Yau!! =D

Life and culture

Here in Singapore, almost everything is easily accessible and they are also affordable. The government is gradually developing the nation that appreciates culture and sports. Because the country is young, there really isn't much history to boast about. The way the country is ran, it boast mainly success in almost everything except for sports and culture.

The government just allocated millions in discovering badminton talents and training them. The football team this year has also beaten the crap out of Malaysia Team. Speaking of football, Singapore has allowed MUFC to launch IPO here.

The things I do here aside from work are dance and badminton. I dance ballet every Monday and play badminton every Saturday morning. Every other spare moments that I have, I practise ballet and sit in front of my laptop. I spend a lot of time watching So You Think You Can Dance.

If time is unlimited, I would also have develop myself in various music instruments. Think Edward Cullen.

A believe....

Sadness. Like the economy, my life is at an all time low. I've never had so many failures before. I wonder what is man upstairs trying to tell me. All the things that I've built, I've set myself to believe in, seem like a lie. I've believe that I can make it through if I try hard enough. Yes I've tried hard, still it wasn't good enough.

People around you, they don't necessarily paint the real picture for you, do they? They tell you what they want you to believe, what they want you to believe, that you can make it through. And you believe them. It's not very real, is it? Surely, there must be something else that people can say to put just a hint of positivity in you, not a false sense of security in making one have the taste of success when success is not a full course meal yet. Why am writing like I'm blaming them for what happened? They only behave what the society expects them to behave. Better luck next time.

I dreamt twice that I will fail again. Couldn't sleep last night. Here's where your dreams have a twisted way of coming true. 

I've always believe my English language pass for at least above average. Here, I have my manager, a guy who confuses "collision" with "collusion", telling me otherwise. Reluctantly, I have to question my language competency among ESL people. What am I good at? What am I good for? What have I done wrong in life? Have my parents done wrong for my life?

"I always knew I would die early". Perhaps it's a line that I would say in the near future. Then again, things can only get better from now, isn't it? It's logical. That's what people would tell you, what they believe about you and what they want you to believe too.

What's the point anyway?

Why can't I keep my mind off him? After all the quotes about not dwelling in the past, about looking ahead, about change, yet I am consciously making a decision not to move forward. I could organise socials, attend socials, meet people and move on from the last relationship that I had. But honestly, what's the point?

I'm on relationship strike to prove to my parents that what they did ruined lives, broke hearts. Their action has a production - an unhappy daughter. I have not talked to them since the last time I was back home. They called, I couldn't be bothered to answer. They visit. I shrug, indifferent. 

They tell me I should find someone. What's the point? They are the ones who decide whether your love should stay or leave.

They talk about finding true love. What true love? There's only interfering parents.

I did not end it because I didn't love him. I ended it because I was frustrated, both with him and parents. I was confused, I was leaving, I needed a break, not because I fell out of love. I was convinced that I can move on. But who am I joking, emotions are emotions. They rule females often, even more for Cancerians.

I thought often about bridging the connection with him, because I miss him, because loneliness is a bitch, because his hugs are secured, his kisses are the best, his inflated ego funny, his brown eyes soft, his generosity endearing, his protective/possessive affection addictive, his concentration, observation, occasional shyness, all surprising; his one-tracked-mind infuriating, his differing life goals worrying, his lack of reading interest frustrating (because I cannot generate high-level discussion), his interest in computer games, his family & education background, his extreme demands on good food, all don't fit. It's a whole take-it-or-leave-it package. What is the point of bridging? Who should I please? Me, him, parents? They are mutually inclusive! I stand frozen. What's the point!

I wish I know what he's doing. If he's dating. What's the point though?

People will tell me to stop whining. Why don't you:

1. open yourself to new relationships? I don't want to.

2. call him then? I dare not. What's the point? I can't offer him anything.

3. call my backup? urrgghh!

A stand-still. DEAD FROZEN.

I will be changed in the years ahead. Some good will come and the bad ones as attachments. For now, I will get some sleep, pray in church and shop a little tomorrow.